One of the great triggers to having great sex is the desire for sex. You have to want sex in order to have sex. But throughout a man’s life there will be various times when sexual desire ebbs and flows. This by itself is really no cause for alarm, since various psychological and social factors may contribute to low sexual desire: debilitating illness, chemotherapy, depression (which generally lessens a person’s interest in almost everything, including sex), trauma, or tragedy. Medications that are prescribed to control various illnesses, or the very illnesses themselves, such as advanced stages of cancer, may have the side effect of reducing sexual desire due to fatigue and debilitation. But beyond the routine ebb and flow of life, there are some factors in a relationship that will lessen sexual desire and become cause for concern.

Partner Conflict

General unhappiness, anger, and constant quarreling over money, raising the kids, or the relatives can sabotage sexual desire in any marriage. You need a solid relationship, respect, friendship, and love to keep the sexual aspect of your marriage alive. If you can’t seem to resolve your problems on your own, be sure to get some advice and guidance from a marriage counselor. Restoring your relationship may help to restore your desire.

Boredom in the Bedroom

Partners who have been together for many years may easily fall into a boring sex pattern. Same time, same place, same position, same everything equals monotonous, routine, and Boring with a capital B. When there’s nothing exciting to look forward to, the desire to get there goes away. There really isn’t a lack of desire for sex; there’s just a lack of desire to do it the same old way. Changing the routine and putting the spark back into making love will also increase your desire for sex. Sex should not be a mandatory obligation or a chore like taking out the garbage. Sex should be an enjoyable experience. You may have to spark your imagination to spark up your sex life but it will be worth the effort.

Desire Discrepancy

In some relationships sexual appetites can be very different between partners: one partner has a high desire for sex and the other has a very low need. When one would love to have sex five times a week, the other would be content with five times a year. This is a problem, but usually not a medical one, unless it causes significant personal or interpersonal distress. The best way to resolve this discrepancy is to talk to a doctor, a marriage counselor, or sex therapist.

Ways to Improve Sexual Desire

• Exercise.
• Watch your weight. Lose weight if you are overweight.
• Avoid heavy drinking.
• Don’t take illegal drugs.
• Get treatment for depression.
• Maintain oral and physical hygiene.
• Do something to impress or please your spouse.
• Work on your relationship.
• Ask your doctor for a testosterone blood test.

Copyright 2002, Ridwan Shabsigh, M.D., Kensington Books